Order up!!
one newsletter, please
Hi!
Greetings from this unseasonably warm October (yes, I know it’s November). Every night I am woken up by the tiny, incessant buzzing of a mosquito* and I never thought I would say this but – I am ready for the weather to get colder.
Today’s newsletter is different???? IDK…apparently I think I’m some kind of suburban mommy food blogger who has gotten really into throwing themed parties for absolutely no one? Hope you’re bored and hungry!
tv dinners
Have you ever craved a burger while watching Bob’s? Found yourself drooling at the weird meat-filled desserts on Great British Bake-Off? Wishing you could try some of Artie Bucco’s famous antipasti?
...Or is that just me?
When we finished the final few episodes of The Sopranos, we poured ourselves a big glass of chianti (yes we split one glass, get over it) and ate (gluten-free...get over it!!!) pasta with a homemade pork bolognese. At least once a week, John will make us some smashed cheeseburgers and we’ll put on an episode of Bob’s Burgers while we dine to our stomachs’ satisfaction. I find this act of matching what you’re eating to what you’re watching deeply gratifying and have – perhaps! – tied my fragile mental well-being a bit too closely to this activity.
Nevertheless, it is everything to me and I need it to feel alive. Plus, I’m cooking a lot more than I used to and sometimes it gets…ugh. So I’ve thought of a couple more food-themed movie nights/movie-themed food nights if that’s your thing.
(Side note just to say that I am on a Late 90s/Early 00s Movies Rewatch Extravaganza Journey so that is why all of these movies were made between 1998 and 2003 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also, no, I haven’t tested all these recipes – I just know how to google stuff good, okay? They’re also not all “meals” or “work together” or whatever. I will not be taking complaints or requests to try harder at this time, thank you.)
Of course, you can always begin where I did – with some Sopranos and Bob’s inspo.
The Matrix Trilogy
(all available on HBOMax)
I know this steak doesn’t exist – Filet mignon served with bearnaise sauce
Follow the white rabbit – roasted rabbit deglazed in a white wine and garlic sauce
The Oracle’s chocolate chip cookies
Ocean’s 11
(also on HBOMax)
IDK if y’all remember this cinematic experience, but Brad Pitt’s character, Rusty, is truly eating or drinking something in every! single! scene! in which he appears. It is excessive and has no obvious purpose and I…love it! Hollywood Insider 4-1-1 *flips hair*: most actors will do everything in their power to not have to actually eat the thing they are supposed to be eating in the scene. Unfortunately, I was unable to determine via internet sleuthing whether or not this bit was scripted or just Brad Pitt…being hungry? Fortunately, I was able to determine that he ate 40 shrimp while shooting one scene.
A buffet feast of everything Rusty eats in the movie – nachos, cheeseburgers, sorbet, tuna Nicoise salad, brown liquor, shrimp cocktail, lollipops, jelly beans…et cetera. Truly, so many options.
Miss Congeniality
(available on Netflix)
Special Agent Gracie Hart’s microwaveable TV dinner – get yourself some Amy’s or make a DIY version.
Miss New Jersey’s carrot sticks and donuts – do these things go together? We’re gonna pretend that they do. Live your true pageant fantasy.
Shrek
(available on Hulu)
I’m making WAFFLES! – obviously, duh, does not need explanation.
The Ogre Special – escargot with caramelized onions (you bet your ass I’m suggesting this and waffles at the same time! I’m an agent of chaos).
Dirt & Worms – you know that mommy blogger thing where you crush up a bunch of oreos in a clear cup and then put gummy worms in it so it looks like worms and dirt? Yeah do that. Yum!
There are a lot more ideas on this wonderful blog! That person is doing it for real and in a way that is appetizing…lol. I think this is silly, fun, and occasionally delicious and I’m curious if you’ve ever done this or have a fun idea!! Okay!
for the love of beans
john’s joke of the week
This part of the email is brought to you by John Jennings Randall
I stayed inside my apartment all weekend and ended up getting cabin fever. Let me tell you that is a really shitty movie.
postscript
*okay is it just me or is the mosquito thing bonkers??? why are they still around?????? it is November????? has it always been like this??? am I losing my mind??????????? HELP???
xoxoxo bye!!!!!!!!