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hibernation is over
but i'm still hanging out under the covers
spring is springing! kind of! she’s trying her best. tbh, she lost track of time getting ready in the bathroom and is running a bit behind!!
how are you enjoying your seasonal allergies? or having to carry your jacket around? it’s that precious time of year when there are about three different kinds of weather you have to dress for on any given day. you know, she’s just trying to spice it up!
don’t get me wrong – I love spring. it’s just that getting there feels like it takes forever. it’s a transition with ups and downs: one day, you’re thinking we’re done! winter is over! and the next you are bundled up in your heartbreak and mittens, begrudging the fact that you already put your winter clothes away for the season. it is physically and emotionally confusing!
but today it was pretty sunny and the farmer’s market had so many fresh flowers and only some of the dogs had coats on. so I think we can be pretty certain that spring is on the way.
we’re looking for an apartment right now and boy, it is hard!!!!! why is it so hard!!!! and expensive!!!! ughhhhh and stressful ohmygod even when it is, like, “easy” it is so terrible. but then…once you’re finally moved in? gotten all the boxes inside and all the stupidly-shaped couches around stupidly-shaped corners? when you have everything set up and just the way you pictured it? baby…that’s bliss.
I assume! but honestly, I don’t really know. the last time I was in an apartment that I fully unpacked into was august 2019 and that was a time when I didn’t really have money for stuff so there wasn’t really stuff to have. but by now, I’ve accumulated some belongings (and some savings). and I am so eager to nest. to express myself as a ROOM! as a series of rooms, if I’m lucky.
it’s just that getting there is hard and it takes a while. it’s a transition with ups and downs. I know that it will happen and it will all come together – I’ll get that couch up those stairs one way or another. it’s confusing as hell, but you just gotta trust the process.
here is a poem about my childhood home in honor of the fact that I will soon be moving out:
I hope I remember the way the light
flooded the alley behind my childhood
home around four pm in the winter.
the way everything was red: brick and
rust and evening sun. everything elongated:
shadows and wavelengths and time
slowed down. the alley suspended in a
brilliant blood-orange hue: namib sand and
poppy fields and dying embers. time suspended
in light: dust illuminated. I hope I remember
the warm spot by the pipes on the floor
where the cat used to sleep. the coldness
of the bathroom tile which I will love to
remember hating. the lemon yellow we painted
the walls. the hiss of the radiator, of air rushing
through the leaking windows. the way pins would
creep out of the creaking floorboards and stick
you in the foot: a reminder of everything
that came before you and all that will come after.
and the after is coming – in spite of the way the
light makes you feel warm, and forever. in spite of
all the time you spent staring out the window at the
alley bathed in winter sun. in spite of memory itself
I hope I remember everything as it was.
if you liked that it’s also in my little collection which you can buy by clicking the button below :)
okay that’s it for now. hope you’re soaking up all the sun you can find!!
happy sunday and a good aries season to us all.