Greetings, fellow people!
I am writing to you from upstate New York. I came out to surprise my mom for her birthday – the reveal itself went a little wonky but she was surprised and that’s what counts! I feel incredibly lucky and grateful that I’m able to be here. And it’s nice to slow down and spend time with family if you are able to.
Since March, I’ve felt any inkling of joy or peace or contentment be swiftly followed by feelings of guilt and shame and self-doubt. The feelings beckon me into a thought spiral: if your outward presentation is not miserable under these circumstances, then what kind of assumptions will people make about me? Will they think I don’t care or I’m not paying attention? Or, perhaps regardless of what they think, does it actually make me a Bad Person to have a flickering moment of Feeling Okay (Or Dare I Say Happy) when so many others are suffering? Is Feeling Okay in and of itself an indication that you are not doing enough, that you have neglected your morals?
Of course, elsewhere in my brain, I know that this is not really how it works. It’s just a reaction born from the understanding that, for the most part, we tend to reach for shame and punishment more than we reach for compassion and empathy. I think that in order to get back out there tomorrow, I have to take care of myself today. I know I have a tendency to view things as my fault even if they are not. My brain still defaults to the binary good-evil that so deeply saturates American culture, even if I don’t believe in that anymore. Also, I think we are not really meant or built to consume this much fucking information and news all the time. Like, we did not necessarily evolve to be able to handle this constant barrage of nonsense!
I’m trying to shift my thinking in a lot of ways these days. I feel already so different than I was at the beginning of March – my understanding of the world has expanded, knowing there is so much more room to grow and so many ways to participate. There are so many things to divest from and to question, and just as many things to nurture and discover. For now, I am trying to push my thinking this way: my joy, so long as it does not eclipse the joy or well-being of others, is a net-positive for this world. It facilitates my participation and assistance, rather than rendering it moot. The world I’d like to see reaches for compassion and empathy more than it does shame and punishment, and I need to apply that to myself as well.
So, on that note, I shall give in to the respite and the contentment with which this moment rewards me. I am surrounded by dogs and endless seltzer and sunshine, and it’s a-okay to enjoy it for a little while.
this is not my mom’s house but it’s nice isn’t it?????
vive la révolution!
Activists and protestors clashed with police again in Chicago this weekend. This photo thread below is excellent and gives a basic timeline of what happened that day. Much like that story I told you about my experience at the protest downtown on May 30th, protestors were “kettled” and many were beaten, pepper-sprayed, or arrested.
Like I said last week, Chicago officials have done nothing at all to address the demands we’ve been marching for since the end of May, not even the minor advancements that other cities have adopted. On Sunday, 8/10, I went to a march/rally where I heard aldermen and organizers who have been working in Chicago for years describe the extent to which their voices have been ignored or betrayed.
They’ve been trying to create CPAC – the Civilian Police Accountability Council – for eight years. Currently, civilian complaints about police misconduct are investigated by COPA, or the Civilian Office of Police Accountability. You say “are those…not the same thing?” so here’s the scoop: they are not the same fucking thing! The head of COPA is appointed directly by the mayor. Former members of CPD can work on COPA’s staff if they’ve been out of CPD for at least 5 years. COPA has no power over the police superintendent, members of the police board, or members of the CPD. They don’t even have final authority over CPD policy or disciplinary action – they only make recommendations. They also do not investigate any complaints concerning sexual misconduct by members of the CPD (allegations of this kind are investigated by the CPD’s own Bureau of Internal Affairs). I think this is because COPA’s “investigative jurisdiction” is determined by some municipal code but ??? Regardless. This is how I gather it (generally) works from having read the COPA website: a civilian complaint is brought to COPA, they investigate, they “determine whether allegations of police misconduct are well-founded,” if and only if they conclude that the allegations are “well-founded,” their investigation is then reviewed by…the Chicago Police Department. It could also be reviewed by the Chicago Police Board (appointed by the mayor), and the Superintendent of the CPD (appointed by the mayor). Ultimately, no matter what COPA’s investigation concludes, it is CPD’s sole responsibility to enforce any recommended discipline.
CPAC, on the other hand, would be a council directly elected by the people, with the ability to hire and fire the superintendent, oversee COPA investigations, have final authority over CPD policy, and more.
Like I said, they’ve been trying to get CPAC enacted for years. At the rally last Sunday, Alderman Ramirez-Rosa of Ward 35 described part of the problem they’ve been having: the last time they voted on this issue, at least 9 of his fellow alderpeople said they would vote alongside him in favor of CPAC. But then when they voted, as always, starting with Ward 1, one by one he saw all of the people who said they would stand with him vote against him. And by the time they got to his ward (35) he was the only one who voted yes in favor of CPAC. This is just part of what these activists, representatives, and communities are up against. The fight has been long and difficult, but there are so many incredible organizers and folks working tirelessly to make this happen, among other demands. Budget season in Chicago is September/October, and the time for change is now.
If you live in Chicago and want to support CPAC, you can contact the Mayor, or your alderman, or click here for more info.
guess who, bitch?!? (Original photo by Erin Hooley for the Chicago Tribune - “Ald. Byron Sigcho-Lopez, 25th, speaks to demonstrators.”)
This is an excellent link roundup of pieces written by Black women about Kamala. (From Phil Lewis’ newsletter “Per My Last Email.”)
Happy DNC week lol
if you’ve got something to share
Disaster relief for Beirut, including local and international NGOs.
john’s joke of the week
This part of the email is brought to you by John Jennings Randall.
My friend is a professional house sitter but since the pandemic, he’s just been working from home.
postscript
Thanks for sticking around for a longer one. Hope all is well wherever you are, and that you’re staying safe and fighting the good fight however you can.
Now, I’m going to go lay in a hammock.
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuh-BYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!
Have a relaxing time and thanks for all the good info.