the treachery of targeted ads
Happy 2022. I hope this trip around the sun is a good one for you. I feel off to a…pretty good start? I always find myself getting really over-zealous this time of year with a fresh start and some big ideas, so I’m trying not to get too ahead of myself. Searching for a reasonable, accomplishable pace. How is your new year going?
This newsletter contains:
brief, dumb musings on a targeted ad
things from the internet
stuff i’ve been watching & a request for your recommendations
egg on my face
A few months ago, I kept finding myself scrolling past these targeted ads for a product called “Just Crack an Egg” and wondering what I had done to deserve such a fate. Every time I crawled back onto the Internet I would see some ad for this product. Over. And over. And over again. For months, I saw this everywhere and anywhere that one finds targeted ads, which is, of course, anywhere and everywhere:
What the fuck is this??? Hmm?? Is there something about me that screams “heterosexual 30-something white man in the first 0-5 years of parenthood in need of a quick and easy breakfast”? How is it “breakfast for the whole family” when they are single-serving containers that could feed maybe two people at the most? What is this product, even? A microwaveable egg? I did not know you could do that and – no offense to you if that’s your preferred method – but there’s something about microwaving an egg in a little plastic tub that truly upsets me.
Simply put: I have so many questions. Why me? Why this? Why now? Why is “Jeff O’Donnell” eating his microwaveable egg on a dock by the ocean? Does the product come with an egg in it (gross) or do you have to add the egg (stupid)? I had to know more, so I went to the “Just Crack an Egg” website.
And it turns out, you have to add the egg yourself. First of all, that is kind of dumb, no? So your product is not a microwaveable egg so much as it is just a container in which to microwave an egg? I don’t know and I don’t understand. Second of all, the website is justcrackanegg.NET which is so bizarre to me! Why??????????? A network of what????? Thirdly, the website also says their products are “made with cage-free eggs”…..so there is egg in it already? But you also have to add an egg? WHY!!!
I will warn you: there is absolutely no point to this story. I have not bothered to come to some important conclusion. I have no clever moral, no satisfactory ending, no nothing. It is arguably not even a “story,” and yet here we are, wasting each other’s precious and unreturnable time away… So anyway, after some digging (read: scrolling to the bottom of the website), I found out this product is made by Kraft. They even seem to have some awareness of the icky-factor that is microwaving an egg, having paid a copywriter to string these words together: “Sure, microwaving fresh eggs is different. But it’s also delicious. Give it a try – sometimes, it only takes one bite to go from “weird” to “wow”.”
I may never know what crime I committed to make the algorithm show me this, but every time I crack an egg I will wonder…should I be microwaving this? And the answer will be no.
who does the internet think I am
stuff i’ve been watching
I just finished The Witcher and enjoyed it (dare I say…better than game of thrones?? don’t come for me I don’t care enough).
I watched The Matrix: Resurrections and I will be honest and say that I loved it completely down to my bones from the moment the WB logo went from normal to green code font. Oops! Now I am considering watching Sense8……………….yes or no?
my friend recommended Yellowjackets so that might be next on the list.
hearing/seeing great things about Abbott Elementary…also on the list.
I am trying to read more plays! especially weird ones? ones that are non-linear or kind of surreal? do you know any of those??
what have you been watching or reading???? I would love to know!!! please talk to me
john’s joke of the week
This part of the email is brought to you by John Jennings Randall.
I threw my back out last night. It hurt but I had to cut ties.
thank you for being here, as always. and for participating in today’s episode of “rose deletes all the months-old screenshots saved to her desktop.” I had fun and I hope you did too!
have a great week, pals.